‘I had an affair to save marriage – now I’m leaving my husband for boyfriend’
Written by ABC AUDIO on November 23, 2022
A woman who was convinced by her best friend to have an affair is now leaving her husband – but they’re still living under the same roof.
Alicia* is leaving her husband Gary* for her boyfriend who she’s only been dating for three months.
She says that before the affair, her and Gary’s relationship was “completely fine”.
The pair had met in school and grew up together in the same town; by many, they were considered childhood sweethearts.
But Alicia’s world turned upside down when she decided to join the website Illicit Encounters and message men.
She told Daily Star: “We got through life like any other married couple and we had two amazing children together.
“We have a nice house and have family around us but we were tight on money so hadn’t been away or spent any quality time together for a really long time.
“I just don’t look at my husband anymore and think I want to rip his clothes off. I always used to feel that way and it made me sad I’d lost that.”
When Alicia spoke to her friends about her relationship problems, they recommended = she had an affair to keep the marriage alive.
A few of them admitted they’d had affairs themselves through the help of the website Illicit Encounters.
Even Alicia’s best friend said it helped her let off steam and learn to appreciate her husband more.
Initially, Alicia didn’t think an affair would fix things and at first, she didn’t even want to go ahead with it.
“She kept saying to me it’s just a harmless fling! It’s just a fling! No one needs to know. It didn’t help that another of our friends did the same thing and wouldn’t stop talking about it either,” she explained.
“They both just said how exciting it was and gave them a new lust for life. Then they started calling me boring for not considering it.
“Next thing you know my best friend grabbed my phone and set up an account for me without me even saying yes to it, and that was the start of it.
“I didn’t set out wanting to cheat on my husband, it just happened by accident. The same day I’d already got matches and I didn’t know what to do so I got my friend to reply to them.”
She added: “I’m so out of practice the whole thing scared me and I felt so naughty and guilty.”
When Alicia started talking to her now-boyfriend Antonio*, she said he made her feel at ease.
He had been married for a similar amount of time as she had which helped them to instantly connect.
After talking for a little while they met up for dinner and everything changed from that moment on.
“It wasn’t love at first sight but something just changed in me that night I don’t know I just felt different maybe it was the excitement but a part of me just felt like it was something more,” she explained.
“These last three months have shown me what I’ve been missing all these years and so much about our relationship I thought was normal because I was young – it wasn’t.
“I feel like my eyes have been opened and I couldn’t continue with all the lies and secrecy. I just had to tell them all and leave, even if that meant them hating me for a while.
“It was the worst day of my life telling them and I keep thinking about it over and over in my head and thinking of how I could have dealt with it differently, over analysing every last word and reaction.
“I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to get the look of shock on their faces out of my mind.”
Alicia is worried about whether she’s made the right decision but she can’t turn back now as she has concerns her friends and family will never forgive her.
She, her husband and children are all still living in the same house while they work things out. Sadly, they have barely spoken to her in over a week since she told them.
“I hope they will grow up to understand why I followed my heart. It’s been absolute hell on earth, all living under the same roof after dropping such a bombshell,” she said.
“I feel like I can’t even get something out of the fridge without their disappointed eyes on me. But I have to remember why I am doing this.”
At the moment Alicia is no longer talking to the friend who signed her up for an Illicit Encounters account.
She says because so much has happened, she doesn’t know what to say and she’s feeling too many emotions right now.
“I’m kind of embarrassed it’s turned out this way compared to her affair, but then I’m excited for things to be out in the open and I can start a new life,” she continued.
“But I’m also angry at her for suggesting it and persuading me to go through with it because now I’ve got to go through all this pain.
“If she hadn’t made me do this I would still be with my husband and kids. I wouldn’t have had to go through all of this. I’m not sure how we can ever come back from that.
“My family is still in shock. My sister is the only one who’s been supportive and is actually helping me get through this.”
